Submission makes sense…

I’m uncomfortable with most of the standard trappings of D/s or M/s relationships in the scene. I’m too much of a curmudgeon to feel like one set of precepts is going to provide me with all the answers in my life sexually or otherwise (note to self: change name of blog to the Sexy Curmudgeon?). I tend to scoff at high protocol people, and most of the people I play with do the same. Which is not to say that I would break in on someone’s scene or disregard their collar or adress them without finding if it’s ok; I understand that for many people those structures are very important and pleasurable and not to be messed with. To do so is simply rude. In fact I may err on the other side: I have someone who’s seems to be flirting with me pretty heavily while being identified openly as being collared to someone else, and I’m trying to make sure there’s a lot of clarification before I move beyond the “I’m flattered, thanks for expressing interest” mode.

But these days, I’m turned on more and more by submission.

I should say that this is with specific people and in specific contexts. The Princess and I have a great thing going right now where our age-play is getting mixed up in our switching so that one time I’m the trailer-trash sinister guy who locks girls up in his shed out back, and other times she’s the spoiled girl who bosses daddy around and makes him do embarrassing things. We’ve done a couple of periods of time where I’ve simply been wearing her collar and at her disposal.

Of course I’ve always been submissive to Stan, but we’ve never done an extended exploration of that dynamic. And he’s got a genuine slave these days, so there probably won’t be many chances to try it out. He tends to be more of a purist in these matters than I am.

I’ve also been exploring hypnosis with someone I’m going to call Circe here. It’s interesting because she was probably 90% sub when we met, but now that she’s doing hypno stuff she does it more and more as a Dom. We’ve been exploring scenarios where I’m her pet, her plaything, my mind and will being molded to her liking. I’m amazed at how well it works, and how hot it is. When I’m around her I find myself dropping into a submissive attitude that “just feels right”, unable to tell how much of it is just me and how much is her conditioning.

And lately I’ve been coming back around to fantasies that involve The Princess and chastity. A couple of weekends ago she locked my cock up in a metal device as part of a punishment for letting her down in a scene. I wore it for most of the day until it started slipping off, much to my annoyance. And now I find myself checking out sites that sell other kinds of devices, hopefully ones that I can wear for longer periods. I don’t know what it is about the combination of submission and chastity that is setting me off these days, except that in the midst of it I feel her power all the more clearly.

Power. That’s an interesting one because I’m suspicious of all power manipulations and usually my sexuality has revolved around sensation, BDSM has been about my body exploring its extremes of pleasure and pain, not about power. I’m wondering now if its the fact that I’m confronting the extent of the power that I do have out in the mundane world that makes me more eager to give up that power through submissiveness in my sexual life. It’s a simplistic equation perhaps, but I’ve come to know that my animal brain isn’t as sophisticated as I’d like it to be.

I don’t think I’m going to end up as a full bore submissive, mostly because I have too much fun scrambling things up. But I like the idea of wearing that identity a bit more fully for now.

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