They talk about years in the scene. That’s always been hard for me to define. While I’ve had fantasies about kinky things since I’ve had fantasies, and my favorite porn has always been elaborately laced with bondage, sadism, submission and other fetish motifs, it’s only been a few years that I’ve been around any organized social scene that identifies as kinky.
For much of my life I associated the Gay leather scene with a rigid, humorless social group that seemed intimidating to the artsy-fartsy punk fuck-up that I styled myself. So I was reduced to doing things to myself, or trying to subtly hint to partners about my more complex desires, to little effect.
The catch 22 of BDSM: you need skills to satisfy your partners, and you can’t get skills without partners, at least not in the SF leather world of the 80’s. I was too intimidated to ask for what I wanted, even if I found someone to ask for it from.
So here I am at 50, and luckily circumstances have conspired to put me in connection with people I want to have sex with, while years of working on myself have removed my feelings of intimidation. And the scenes have changed too: the 90’s saw the rise of the queer, pan and genderqueer communities and the decline of the worst aspects of the “old-guard” mentality. People who have a more fluid vision of their sexuality have greater freedom to speak up about it.
I’m not ashamed to say that I’ve benefited from all of those changes. This blog will hopefully record my adventures exploring this new terrain, personal and public.